Shoplifter

People who don't work in retail always seem to be shocked by how rampant shoplifting is. On average my store has 25 items stolen a day. A lot of time they pick items without security tags and put them on under their own clothes, other people have security tag removers with them and take them off and hide the items in a bag. In the winter it's hard to catch people because they just stick the clothes in a puffy coat, others work in teams and fill large gift bags with whole stacks of clothes. Often you can tell who's going to shoplift because they look homeless or are acting sketchy but the ones who get away with it the most are the middle aged housewives who don't need to steal but are bored so do it for kicks. They probably steal more than anybody else. They are the hardest to catch but the first to get nervous and run if they think you suspect them.

But the best, or worst, are the ones who come up with elaborate stories to try and get you to give them cash for the items they have no receipt for. I had a guy today:

Guy: I'm a D&D with the first squadron in the military out of Trenton and I called the other day and spoke to a manager who said I could return this bag and these shoes.
Me: Okay, that's no problem.
Guy: Ya we bought them for a soldier in England but he was killed last week so now I need to return them.
Me: Oh I didn't know the military bought soldiers random shoes and bags from a retailer, was it his birthday?
Guy: Yes.
Me: Oh well that's horrible he died on his birthday.
Guy: Ya it was bad timing. So you'll do the return?
Me: Ya I'll just need the receipt.
Guy: Well that's why I called before because I'm with the D&D and I work undercover a lot and I bought the stuff but the receipt is at the Trenton air base and I paid cash.
Me: Okay well then I'm going to need to see a piece of photo id.
Guy: Well I'm with the D&D and I work undercover a lot so I don't like to give out my information.
Me: But it's okay for you to go around openly saying you work undercover?
Guy: ...I'll go get my partner Lisa, I'll be right back.

He never came back and when I checked the cameras he had walked in empty handed.

I have a question but I won't believe your answer

Okay so I understand customers not trusting that sales associates know what they're talking about because the truth is that 90% of people who work in retail are only in the store 4-8 hours a week. Stores get new product all the time and constantly have to move the already existing product to make space for the new stuff and to consolidate the items that have sold through. It's hard to stay on top of what and where over 2000 styles of items are all the time. We try to know all the colours that each item comes in, where it's made, and what it's made of, but come on, it's unrealistic to expect even the person who's in the store 40 hours a week, even the person who places all the product to remember exactly what we have and where it is.

This being said, if you ask us a question and we give you an answer we will either tell you:
a) I don't know the answer let me find out.
b) I'm pretty sure what you want is over here but let me just make sure I'm right.
c) Yes, what you're looking for is right here and it also comes in x y z colours.
Now A and B show that the person is trying to help you to the best of their ability but if they don't fully answer your question, have a look around yourself.
If you get answer C then this person knows what they are talking about and is completely answering your question. They are either a super genius or have been asked the same question enough times to know the answer off the top of their head.
Regardless of what answer you get, I never understand when I'm asked a question and I give one of these responses and the response I get from the customer is, "no you're wrong." If you aren't going to trust the answer I give you then why did you ask me? I had two such customers today.
Customer one: She asked me where the shirt I was wearomg was in the store. I walked her over to the table and said:
Me: Here.
Her: No it's not.
Me: Um, ya that's the shirt I'm wearing.
Her: No it's not, I looked at that one and it's not what you have on.
Me: Well I literally just bought this shirt ten minutes ago and that's the pile I took it from.
She picks up the shirt.
Her: Oh, ya.
No "sorry" no "thank you" or "my bad" just took her size and left.


Second customer called the store:
Her: Hi I was just wondering when your next sale is.
Me: Well we have shorts on sale for $30, t-shirts on sale for $15, bathingsuits for $20 and all sale is an extra 20% off.
Her: Ya, that's not what I'm looking for.
Me: What are you looking for?
Her: I don't really know...um, sweatpants?
Me: Okay well sweatpants were on sale a couple of months ago so it might be a while again.
Her: No I get your emails, you have sales all the time.
Me: Yup we have sales on specific items all the time and sometimes online gives blanket discounts but we rarely do that in store.
Her: No I get your emails for deals.
Me: Yup I get the emails too and three times a year we have friends and family for 30% off but otherwise it's usually only online that gives those kinds of deals 'cause it's cheaper to run an online store when you don't have to pay for people like me.
Her: Ya I don't want to say you're wrong but I get the emails. I just want to know when the next one is.
Me: I don't know.
Her: Okay well I guess you don't know anything then. You can't help me.
Me: You're right, I clearly don't know anything...

How 5 cents ruined my life

Where I live it costs five cents for a plastic bag. Paper bags are still free but we have to charge five cents for plastic. Apparently cutting down trees isn't bad for the environment?! So needless to say people only want the paper bags, or should it be needless? We're talking five cents for a bag that most of the time is the best size for the items they're buying and you can reuse as a garbage bag. Believe it or not charging five cents per bag is the biggest issue I deal with on a daily basis. I have had people walk out without buying the $200 worth of items they wanted because I wasn't willing to give them a plastic bag for free (it's a by-law, not a rule I made up). I have had people walk out with armloads of underwear, pants in their coat pockets, and one guy who wore three t-shirts at once just so he wouldn't need a bag. We ask every customer if they want a bag so they can tell us before we charge them and 90% of the time they say no "on principle" but come on, we know it's because you're cheap. You're buying clothes that were made in sweatshops, do your principles not cover human rights? Oh wait, if you stand up and say you don't want your clothes made in sweatshops then the price of the clothes will go up and if you aren't willing to pay five cents to save the environment then you definitely aren't willing to pay an extra dollar so factory employees can have better working conditions.

Be My Wife

Oh sexual harrassment how rampant you are! I had a large man come in and ask me to help him find pants in his size. When I asked him what size he was he said, "I don't know, why don't you pretend to be my wife and touch me any way you have to to figure it out." When I just stood there and stared at him he confessed he's a size 50. So gross.

Again!

Pants dropping guy came back today for round two. This time I got it on his way out as he pulled down his pants to reveal a VERY hairy ass. And then he left.

White Pants

Even though it's fall, we have white pants and they are pretty see through so you have to be careful what you wear under them. A customer came to cash today with a pair and starts telling me how she doesn't wear underwear (after she just came out of the fitting rooms). As gross as that was, I was more concerned as to how to tell a woman with dark hair that these may not be the pants for her!

What is that?

I was on the phone in the office and needed to write a note. I stuck my hand in the paper recycling to get a scrap of paper, like we always do, but when I pulled a piece of paper out something wet came out too and landed all over my hand and the desk. I turned to the guy next to me to ask what was wet in the paper recycling and his response?

"Oh, it's probably my hork. I couldn't stop it."