Be My Wife

Oh sexual harrassment how rampant you are! I had a large man come in and ask me to help him find pants in his size. When I asked him what size he was he said, "I don't know, why don't you pretend to be my wife and touch me any way you have to to figure it out." When I just stood there and stared at him he confessed he's a size 50. So gross.

Again!

Pants dropping guy came back today for round two. This time I got it on his way out as he pulled down his pants to reveal a VERY hairy ass. And then he left.

White Pants

Even though it's fall, we have white pants and they are pretty see through so you have to be careful what you wear under them. A customer came to cash today with a pair and starts telling me how she doesn't wear underwear (after she just came out of the fitting rooms). As gross as that was, I was more concerned as to how to tell a woman with dark hair that these may not be the pants for her!

What is that?

I was on the phone in the office and needed to write a note. I stuck my hand in the paper recycling to get a scrap of paper, like we always do, but when I pulled a piece of paper out something wet came out too and landed all over my hand and the desk. I turned to the guy next to me to ask what was wet in the paper recycling and his response?

"Oh, it's probably my hork. I couldn't stop it."

Too Much Information!

A customer came in with an old dog that was really cute. I asked her if it was okay to pet the dog as a lot of older dogs don't like to be touched. Her response:

"Well he had surgery not too long ago and one of the side effects is that his penis won't stay in so I have to lube him up and put it back five times a day."

So I guess I shouldn't pet him...

Peeing Lady

So we had a customer come in who put her coat down and then couldn't find it so she started freaking out on us. We finally found it and gave it to her but on her way out she turned to one of the stock guys and said, "do you want to sit on my coat too!?" the stock guy was in shock but replied, "i'm a human being, don't talk to me that way." She was taken aback and left.

The next day I'm on cash when a sales person runs over to tell me that the woman is back and she's peeing on the floor! It takes a moment to understand what he's saying and when I do I don't really want to see. I go over just as the woman is leaving. It turns out she came in, wearing a dress, squatted at the front of the store and began to pee. She then asked a customer for toilet paper before walking out, shaking her leg on the way out! The other customers were all in shock and we were left with a huge puddle on the floor.

The next day one of the sales people ran into her on the street with no top or bra on. She is always dressed nicely but obviously something's wrong!

Retail Hell

I have worked in retail for almost 10 years now, unfortunately, and for a long time I have thought about starting a blog but finally had to after yesterday's event. I will not say where I work or who I am as I don't want to be sued or fired but let's just say you've heard of it. Also, everything I will write is true. It won't always seem like it could possibly be true, but I'm afraid it is. I hope you have a good laugh and maybe a shock or two.

Anyways, I'm at work yesterday and this customer comes over to tell me there is a man standing at the front of the store with his pants down. I ask her if he has any underwear on as I really don't feel like getting in a fight with a wang. She says yes so I go around the corner and there is a guy standing there with his pants around his ankles. He seems to be waiting for me. I ask him to put his pants back on and leave. He tells me it's too hot in here so he had to. I ask him again to put his pants on. He tells me it's not his fault, he just lost 30 pounds so they won't stay on. I ask him a 3rd time to put them on and tell him I will call security. He finally pulls his pants off and asks me if I will escort him out. "No," I say, "you're a big boy, you can let yourself out." and he leaves.