Shoplifter

People who don't work in retail always seem to be shocked by how rampant shoplifting is. On average my store has 25 items stolen a day. A lot of time they pick items without security tags and put them on under their own clothes, other people have security tag removers with them and take them off and hide the items in a bag. In the winter it's hard to catch people because they just stick the clothes in a puffy coat, others work in teams and fill large gift bags with whole stacks of clothes. Often you can tell who's going to shoplift because they look homeless or are acting sketchy but the ones who get away with it the most are the middle aged housewives who don't need to steal but are bored so do it for kicks. They probably steal more than anybody else. They are the hardest to catch but the first to get nervous and run if they think you suspect them.

But the best, or worst, are the ones who come up with elaborate stories to try and get you to give them cash for the items they have no receipt for. I had a guy today:

Guy: I'm a D&D with the first squadron in the military out of Trenton and I called the other day and spoke to a manager who said I could return this bag and these shoes.
Me: Okay, that's no problem.
Guy: Ya we bought them for a soldier in England but he was killed last week so now I need to return them.
Me: Oh I didn't know the military bought soldiers random shoes and bags from a retailer, was it his birthday?
Guy: Yes.
Me: Oh well that's horrible he died on his birthday.
Guy: Ya it was bad timing. So you'll do the return?
Me: Ya I'll just need the receipt.
Guy: Well that's why I called before because I'm with the D&D and I work undercover a lot and I bought the stuff but the receipt is at the Trenton air base and I paid cash.
Me: Okay well then I'm going to need to see a piece of photo id.
Guy: Well I'm with the D&D and I work undercover a lot so I don't like to give out my information.
Me: But it's okay for you to go around openly saying you work undercover?
Guy: ...I'll go get my partner Lisa, I'll be right back.

He never came back and when I checked the cameras he had walked in empty handed.